I Almost Quit

I have been taking an additional qualification (AQ) course over the last few months. We are in the last week of the course. I almost quit with the course, three times.

When I was provided with the opportunity to take the course I was quite excited. I enjoy learning, especially when it is self directed and can have positive implications on my teaching practice. I started off great, like most people do. As I moved through the modules I found that I was bumping up against assignments where I wasn't sure how to answer them and sometimes I didn't even know where to start. The feelings I experienced were interesting - fear, confusion, excitement - all at the same time.

When I would feel the emotions I listed above, I would step away from the assignment and come back to it at a later time. I found that the time away  gave me the opportunity to let the task sink in and have some time to process what was being asked and the concept that was being examined.

When it came time to deal with the "big" assignments, I would feel the same emotions but there was an added thought that would manifest itself. It involved thinking and self talk that I would just not do the assignment and forfeit the course. I did that three times throughout the course. That was the fear talking. I would walk away and give my heart the chance to defend itself from my brain.

After some time away from the course I would do two things. I would tell myself that I could quit after I finish the assignment, and that I needed to start the assignment - whether it put me on the right path or not - I needed to act rather than think. These two things got be back in the game and have led me to completing the course.

More importantly, I am much more aware of how the two things I decided to do can be applied to almost any issue I encounter in life. If I am doing something that I just want to give up on, I can tell myself that I can quit after I complete the task at hand. If that doesn't work (or even if it does work) I can do something rather than do nothing. If I am going to quit, it isn't going to be due to inaction. I am going to do something rather than nothing.

When I compare my experience with the Catholic Leadership Framework I see the importance of personal leadership resources - a section that don't often look at when examining the expectations that make up the document. The reason I didn't end up quitting is because of the strategies I used and the some of the social and psychological resources that the document refers to. Being able to manage my emotions, be optimistic, and resilient helped me get through this experience - like it will for almost any difficult experience.

I almost quit. I suspect I will feel like this again, especially when I am in a tough position. From a leadership perspective, it will be important for me to look back on this reflection to help me regroup and activate my social and psychological resources in order to act and save quitting for another day.